Hot Pocket-Dial
Quagmire admits that he is in love with Lois. Unfortunately, he proclaims his love while he has accidentally pocket-dialed Peter. Peter is furious and Brian takes it upon himself to fix the situation.
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After the family dines out at a fancy restaurant, Peter's experience with a toothpick changes him into a stereotypical tough guy. When he accidentally swallows it, he has to return to the steakhouse for another. But when he sees an old woman use one, his need ends. There, they run into Quagmire and Ida and receive an invitation to join them. Lois' charm gets to Quagmire and he admits to Ida that he has a crush on her but can't get close due to Peter. But when Peter and Lois return home, Peter checks his phone and finds that Quagmire accidentally called during his talk with Ida and he overhears about his love for her.
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Peter shares his story with Brian, and although he is told that he may be making too big a deal out of it, Peter is convinced that Quagmire is determined to take Lois away. Brian encourages him to keep it to himself, but at Peter's neighborhood picnic, he finds it difficult to control his jealousy and Quagmire's innocent conversation causes him to confront him in front of everyone. Quagmire is upset about his private conversation being made public and they fight until Peter orders the picnic over. Days later, Peter still can't get over it but Lois is amused by Quagmire's feelings. Peter admits that he is afraid of losing her but she reassures him that she's not leaving him, but he refuses to follow her advice to be friends again as he feels Quagmire should be punished. Later, Lois and Quagmire bump into each other at the store and despite Lois' attempt to work out the issues between the pair, Quagmire is embarrassed about his feelings being public so he decides to move from the neighborhood.
At the Clam, the remaining guys find it hard to converse without Quagmire's input. At home, Peter mopes around the house and when Lois tries to perk him up, he snaps at her until she decides to hunt down Quagmire and force the two of them to face each other. Acting as an intermediary, she gets everyone to admit to their own secret thoughts. Peter goes along and Quagmire agrees to suppress his true feelings.