Love Story Guy

Peter arrives late at The Drunken Clam, telling his pals about how Chris had to say goodbye to his first love. The others comment on how first loves always hit the hardest, which gives them the idea to start telling stories about their first loves.

Quagmarooned
Quagmire's story involves him as a FedEx worker, with Helen Hunt as his fiancé. Three days before their wedding, however, his delivery plane crash lands after flying into a storm and getting struck by lightning. Marooned on an uncharted island, Quagmire roots through the discarded packages and bonds with a volleyball, whom he names Rita Wilson. He slowly starts to go insane after being stranded for four years, so he decides to escape to the mainland, using some of the spare cardboard as a raft. After going days without food and losing Wilson to another storm, he is soon rescued, only for the ship to be commandeered by Somali pirates. Fast-forwarding past this, Quagmire returns home, only to find that Helen has moved on and gotten back with Paul Reiser. Heartbroken, he walks off into the rain.

Joe Swayze
Joe envisions himself as a dance instructor for Jewish senior citizens, with one of his students, Jennifer Schnozz, taking an interest in him. When his current dance partner, Dancy McGee, has to leave to treat her TMJ, Joe is left without a partner for the upcoming camp talent show. However, Jennifer steps up to the plate and he reluctantly agrees to teach her how to dance. Despite the difficulty that comes with practice, the two end up falling in love, but when Jennifer's father, Dr. Hartman, blames Joe for Dancy's injury, he is forbidden from dancing with her ever again. Nonetheless, Joe stands up to him on the night of the talent show and enjoys a triumphant dance with Jennifer, before explaining how he got her pregnant afterwards, only for her to receive jaw surgery.

Peter Ryan
Peter flashes back to 1989, where he sees When Harry Met Sally at the theater and falls in love with Meg Ryan. Vowing to see everything she ever appears in, he goes to watch another one of her movies, only for her to break the fourth wall and beckon him into the screen. When they first talk, they agree to just be friends, but it doesn't stop Peter from following her across many of her future shows and movies, often taking up the roles of other characters. Eventually, the two wind up acting out In The Cut and end up confessing their love, only for the whole thing to just be a dream, with Peter having fallen asleep in the theater while masturbating.

Once the stories are done, Cleveland asks if he can tell his own story after being pressured to by Donna. The guys instead try to fake hearing his story, but Donna is not buying it.