Pilling Them Softly

Family Guy Season 14
Family Guy Episode 1
When Lois arrives to pick up Stewie from preschool, his teacher informs her that Stewie has problems paying attention in class and recommends medication to treat the problem. Taking Stewie to Dr. Hartman, he provides a prescription for ADHD. Brian objects to Stewie taking pills and finds him doped out in his room. As Stewie lethargically roams around the house, Brian continues to rant against drugs of all sorts, but when Meg points out that it makes some of the kids be productive at her school, he pretends to throw away Stewie's pills and takes them for himself.

Stewie finds Brian frantically working on a model in the basement for a story pitch but is unable to comprehend what is going on. Brian drags Stewie off to a book fair to see George R. R. Martin to show his model and book. When they arrive, a strung out Brian gives his presentation which Martin dismisses as poor crap due to the medication. The judgment brings Brian back to earth and he and Stewie agree that they don't need the pills after all as the real George R. R. Martin chases off the impostor that had taken his place.

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Meanwhile, the guys are bored with each other's stories while Jerome considers improving his menu. Trying his food, Quagmire is disgusted and sets out to prove that he knows his stuff when it comes to food by inviting everyone to dinner. He surprises everyone by actually being a good cook and they encourage him to take over a cooking show. Peter joins him at the audition for support, and his humor gets them the job as a team. Peter's stunts soon wear on Quagmire's nerves and he fires Peter. However, the show producer offers Peter his own cooking show. Quagmire soon finds his show disrupted by the antics at Peter's show and demands that one of them has to quit, noting that all of Peter's "cooking" consists of putting butter on frozen food. Instead, the producer suggests they have a cook off to decide who stays. As part of the rules of the contest, the guys are allowed to have assistants with Quagmire choosing Joe and Peter picking Cleveland. They find their secret ingredient is butter as Quagmire starts to panic. An accident with Joe reduces Quagmire to tears which makes Peter realize that he has come close to ruining Quagmire's dream and eats his entire entry, allowing Quagmire to win. However, Quagmire admits that he preferred being friends with Peter and they both agree to get fired by imitating Paula Deen together. Back at the Clam, an angry Cleveland notes that they could have just quit.