Tales of Former Sports Glory
The guys regale each other with stories of youthful athletic accomplishments. Cleveland was a teenage baseball player from Cuba, Quagmire was a bad boy tennis superstar from New York and Peter was an underdog boxer from Philadelphia.
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With the cable out at the Drunken Clam and only able to pick up the local stations, the guys decide to share their own sports stories.
Cleveland tells of his youth growing up in Havana, driving a taxi cab and dreaming of becoming a baseball player. Although raised to hate America, he dreams of playing there and decides to escape. During a game in Barbados, he and several others build a raft and find their way to Miami after a week at sea. Making his way to Quahog after eight months and signing a deal to play for the Toronto Blue Jays, he immediately finds the Canadian weather too cold for his tastes.
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Quagmire tells of growing up a tennis prodigy, first winning the US Now Open and then Wimbledon. He meets and falls in love with a girl while living the high life in the 1970s, but eventually loses his edge and is implied to have caused 9/11 by taking out airplanes flying near a match.
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Jerome starts to point out that he won a bronze medal in track and field during the 1984 Olympics, although he is cut off by Peter who insist on telling his Rocky story before he can explain why he only has half of the medal.
Paralleling the film Rocky, Peter tells of growing up an Italian tough guy, with dreams of becoming a professional boxer. He works his way through the ranks with Lois filling the Adrian role, until he finally gets a chance at the champion. He fights him to an eventual draw and then later on explains that he did win the championship outright, before dying in a vat of cream cheese. Joe points that he doesn't believe any of the stories are true and briefly discusses his participation in the 1988 Crystal Light National Aerobics Championship.