The Story on Page One

A visit to Brown University shows that Meg does not have enough extracurricular activities to be admitted, and being president of the Quahog chapter of the Luke Perry Fan Club does not count.

She decides to write for her high school’s paper, and her first story is an interview with Mayor Adam West and his money-wasting investigation on water “theft.” Peter doesn’t think that story is all that good, so he replaces it with a story claiming Luke Perry is gay. When Perry reads that, he files a lawsuit against the Griffins.

Trying to get out of the suit and to make up with Meg, Peter tries to stage a photo of Perry acting gay but Perry won’t respond. He finally apologizes, and Meg gets to interview Perry for a new article: “Luke Perry Is Straight, But It Didn’t Do Me a Damn Bit of Good.” Peter gives Perry a copy of the revised article, but Perry rushes back to the Five Seasons hotel bed with Adam West who says he will have sex with Luke only if he would stop stealing his water. Luke slyly agrees, although he has no idea what Adam West means.

Meanwhile, frustrated with his short size, Stewie puts a mind control device on Chris to make him do his bidding. Chris turns on Stewie when the device is shorted out by the microwave oven.