The Unkindest Cut

When Joe 'acquires' a ski boat from police storage, he invites the guys to go skiing, but Quagmire's penis is bitten off by a shark during the trip. The guys try to lift his spirits but fail until he announces that he has taken up an old hobby of ventriloquism. However, his show is only a pretense for killing himself until the guys intervene. Back at home, his dad visits him and gives him her old penis, which is reattached, although an unsightly mole is sometimes off-putting to women, and he screams in pain as he urinates.

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Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian search for Mort after it is broadcast that he skipped out on a meeting with the police and learning there is a $10,000 reward for his involvement in a drug scam involving the mob. They hack his computer and trace his location to Florida, unaware that two mobsters are following them. Through a friend, they track Mort's motel down and take him into custody as he worries about being caught by the mob, but the two following all of them take control of Mort themselves when he tries to make a run for it. Stewie hatches a plot to trade Mort for a flash drive containing the drug scam information, but as Stewie complains about losing the drive itself, they are all surrounded by Federal agents who reveals that Mort had been cooperating to help bust the mob and had already claimed the reward for himself.